Everyone has a different personal experience, but I think on-line dating is a bit “loser-ish” to be honest. I suspect almost everyone on there has some sort of defect that stops them having · Do you ever feel that your relationship is getting damaged due to your partner? If you ever get this question in your mind, am I dating a loser, take this quiz to get the answer. Are You Dating a Loser Quiz. We can often make choices that land us in trouble. There are no good or bad choices. But if you have chosen to be someone, and it affects your mental · 8. He’s insecure and jealous. A loser is usually suspicious and jealous. He’s insecure because he has nothing to offer and he fears that you’ll find another man that is · 1. Rough Treatment "The Loser" will hurt you on purpose. If he or she hits you, twists your arm, pulls your hair, kicks you, shoves you, or breaks your personal property EVEN ... read more
Of course, some people really have been dealt a far worse hand than others. Yet, there are plenty of people who still manage to create success and happiness out of the worst conditions.
Losers are unable to see that a victim mentality is the very attitude that keeps them stuck. Last year, I tried to go a whole week without complaining and it was tough. Whilst having a bit of a moan can feel habitual at times, constant complaining is not only bad for your health but even rewires your brain. For some people, negativity is so deeply ingrained that it puts a dark cloud over everything they do.
You know, those people who never have a good word to say. Losers manage to completely miss the bright side and promptly arrive at why everything and everyone sucks. Before writing this article, I was doing some research to see what qualities people thought were signs of being a loser.
I noticed that quite a few viewed a lack of ambition or absence of goals as loser behaviour. I love the dreamers and doers who have big ideas and plans. If you have them, then great, go after them. But I think that many of us also feel pressured to accomplish things in life, in order to feel good enough. Like we always should be working towards something momentous. Does that make you a loser? That is often when we feel lost, stuck or apathetic. Do you find that the same challenges hold you back, time and time again?
Have popular self-help methods like visualization, meditation, even the power of positive thinking, failed to release you from your frustrations in life? Nothing made a long-lasting, real impact on changing my life until I tried an incredible workshop created by Ideapod co-founder Justin Brown.
Like me, you and so many others, Justin had also fallen into the trap of self-development. He spent years working with coaches, visualizing success, his perfect relationship, a dream-worthy lifestyle, all without ever actually achieving it.
That was until he found a method that truly transformed the way he approached achieving his goals. What Justin discovered is that all the answers to self-doubt, all the solutions to frustration, and all the keys to success, can all be found within you. Are you ready to discover the potential within you? Are you ready to stop feeling like a loser and start living a fulfilling life?
Click here to watch his free introductory video and learn more. A feeling of contributing and caring for others has been shown to be important for our happiness. Your efforts and contributions to others do not. The time, energy and resources you invest in people you care for and your community keep growing forever. They have an inability to analyze themselves with any degree of objectivity or perspective. Having zero self-awareness is an invisible prison that keeps you stuck where you are.
When it comes to your personal spiritual journey, which toxic habits have you unknowingly picked up? Is it the need to be positive all the time?
Is it a sense of superiority over those who lack spiritual awareness? Realizing that was a huge step forward, and I honestly have to say that this eye-opening video about freeing your mind , really helped me realize what was going wrong and how to turn it around. Not cool! Differences of opinions are natural, the world is full of points of view.
A lack of tolerance for others or an inability to listen can be destructive to not just our own lives, but everyone around us as well as the societies we belong to.
But when faced with challenges we only ever really have two choices. We can either accept, deal with and move on from what has floored us or we quit and become defeated by it. But resigning yourself to a fate of loneliness when you want to make better connections does. Successful people understand that failing and falling are only a part of their journey. Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you'll hear that you're the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you.
You'll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the "honeymoon phase" - where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you. Remember the business saying "If it's too good to be true it probably is too good to be true!
Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a lot of information before offering a commitment - not three weeks.
It's true that we can become infatuated with others quickly - but not make such unrealistic promises and have the future planned after three dates. The rapid warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which later cause "The Loser" to detach from you as quickly as they committed. Frightening Temper "The Loser" has a scary temper. In the beginning of the relationship, you will be exposed to "witnessed violence" - fights with others, threats toward others, angry outbursts at others, etc.
You will also hear of violence in their life. You will see and witness this temper - throwing things, yelling, cursing, driving fast, hitting the walls, and kicking things. That quickly serves to intimidate you and fear their potential for violence, although "The Loser" quickly assures you that they are angry at others or situations, not at you.
At first, you will be assured that they will never direct the hostility and violence at you - but they are clearly letting you know that they have that ability and capability - and that it might come your way. Later, you fear challenging or confronting them - fearing that same temper and violence will be turned in your direction. Killing Your Self-Confidence "The Loser" repeatedly puts you down. They constantly correct your slight mistakes, making you feel "on guard", unintelligent, and leaving you with the feeling that you are always doing something wrong.
They tell you that you're too fat, too unattractive, or don't talk correctly or look well. This gradual chipping away at your confidence and self-esteem allows them to later treat you badly - as though you deserved it. In public, you will be "walking on eggshells" - always fearing you are doing or saying something that will later create a temper outburst or verbal argument. Cutting Off Your Support In order to control someone completely, you must cut off their supportive friends - sometimes even their family.
In some cases, if they can't get rid of your best same-sex friend, "The Loser" will claim he or she made a pass at them. If you talk to your friends or family, "The Loser" will punish you by asking multiple questions or making nasty accusations.
Eventually, rather than face the verbal punishment, interrogation, and abuse, you'll develop the feeling that it's better not to talk to family and friends. You will withdraw from friends and family, prompting them to become upset with you. Once you are isolated and alone, without support, their control over you can increase. The Mean and Sweet Cycle "The Loser" cycles from mean to sweet and back again.
The cycle starts when they are intentionally hurtful and mean. You may be verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor. Suddenly, the next day they become sweet, doing all those little things they did when you started dating.
You hang on, hoping each mean-then-sweet cycle is the last one. The other purpose of the mean cycle is to allow "The Loser" to say very nasty things about you or those you care about, again chipping away at your self-esteem and self-confidence. It's Always Your Fault "The Loser" blames you for their anger as well as any other behavior that is incorrect.
When they cheat on you, yell at you, treat you badly, damage your property, or embarrass you publicly - it's somehow your fault. If you are ten minutes late for a date, it's your fault that the male loser drives 80 miles per hour, runs people off the road, and pouts the rest of the evening. If they drive like a maniac and try to pull an innocent driver off the highway to assault them - it's actually the fault of the other driver not his as they didn't use a turn signal when they changed lanes.
They give you the impression that you had it anger, yelling, assault coming and deserved the anger, violence, pouting, or physical display of aggression. Breakup Panic "The Loser" panics at the idea of breaking up - unless it's totally their idea - then you're dropped like a hot rock. Both male and female losers may threaten suicide, threaten to return to old sweethearts who feel lucky they're gone!
They shower you with phone calls, often every five minutes, hoping that you will make an agreement or see them just to stop the telephone harassment. Some call your relatives, your friends, their friends, and anyone else they can think of - telling those people to call you and tell you how much they love you.
Creative losers often create so much social pressure that the victim agrees to go back to the bad relationship rather than continue under the social pressure. Imagine trying to end a relationship and receiving tearful calls from all his or her relatives they secretly hope you'll keep them so they don't have to , seeing a plea for your return in the newspaper or even on a local billboard, receiving flowers at work each day, or having them arrive at your place of work and offer you a wedding ring male loser technique or inform you that they might be pregnant female loser technique in front of your coworkers!
Their reaction is emotionally intense, a behavior they use to keep you an emotional prisoner. If you go back to them, you actually fear a worse reaction if you threaten to leave again making you a prisoner and they later frequently recall the incident to you as further evidence of what a bad person you are.
Remember, if your prize dog jumps the fence and escapes, if you get him back you build a higher fence. Once back in the grasp of "The Loser" - escape will be three times as difficult the next time. No Outside Interests "The Loser" will encourage you to drop your hobbies, interests, and involvement with others. If you have an individual activity, they demand that they accompany you, making you feel miserable during the entire activity. The idea behind this is to prevent you from having fun or interests other than those which they totally control.
Paranoid Control "The Loser" will check up on you and keep track of where you are and who you are with. If you speak to a member of the opposite sex, you receive twenty questions about how you know them. If you don't answer their phone call, you are ask where you were, what were you doing, who you were talking to, etc. They will notice the type of mud on your car, question why you shop certain places, and question why you called a friend, why the friend called you, and so forth.
Some losers follow you to the grocery, then later ask if you've been there in an attempt to catch you in a lie. High-tech losers may encourage you to make "private" calls to friends from their residence, calls that are being secretly taped for later reference.
They may begin to tell you what to wear, what to listen to in music, and how to behave in public. Eventually, they tell you that you can not talk to certain friends or acquaintances, go certain places, or talk about certain issues in public. If no date is present on Friday night - "The Loser" will inform you that they will call you that night - sometime. That effectively keeps you home, awaiting the call, fearing the verbal abuse and questions you might receive if you weren't home for the call.
This technique allows "The Loser" to do what they want socially, at the same time controlling your behavior from a distance or a local bar. Public Embarrassment In an effort to keep you under control while in public, "The Loser" will lash out at you, call you names, or say cruel or embarrassing things about you in private or in front of people.
When in public, you quickly learn that any opinion you express may cause them to verbally attack you, either at the time or later. If you stay with "The Loser" too long, you'll soon find yourself politely smiling, saying nothing, and holding on to their arm when in public.
You'll also find yourself walking with your head down, fearful of seeing a friend who might speak to you and create an angry reaction in "The Loser". It's Never Enough "The Loser" convinces you that you are never quite good enough. You don't say "I love you" enough, you don't stand close enough, you don't do enough for them after all their sacrifices, and your behavior always falls short of what is expected. This is another method of destroying your self-esteem and confidence.
After months of this technique, they begin telling you how lucky you are to have them - somebody who tolerates someone so inadequate and worthless as you. Entitlement "The Loser" has a tremendous sense of entitlement, the attitude that they have a perfectly logical right to do whatever they desire. If cut off in traffic, "The Loser" feels they have the right to run the other driver off the road, assault them, and endanger the lives of other drivers with their temper tantrum.
Keep in mind, this same sense of entitlement will be used against you. If you disobey their desires or demands, or violate one of their rules, they feel they are entitled to punish you in any manner they see fit. Your Friends and Family Dislike Him As the relationship continues, your friends and family will see what "The Loser" is doing to you.
They will notice a change in your personality or your withdrawal. They will protest. The mention of your family members or friends will spark an angry response from them - eventually placing you in the situation where you stop talking about those you care about, even your own family members. Bad Stories People often let you know about their personality by the stories they tell about themselves.
It's the old story about giving a person enough rope and they'll hang themselves. The stories a person tells informs us of how they see themselves, what they think is interesting, and what they think will impress you. A humorous individual will tell funny stories on himself. They may tell you about past relationships and in every case, they assure you that they were treated horribly despite how wonderful they were to that person.
They brag about their temper and outbursts because they don't see anything wrong with violence and actually take pride in the "I don't take nothing from nobody" attitude. People define themselves with their stories, much like a culture is described by it's folklore and legends.
Listen to these stories - they tell you how you will eventually be treated and what's coming your way. The Waitress Test It's been said that when dating, the way an individual treats a waitress or other neutral person of the opposite sex is the way they will treat you in six months. During the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship, you will be treated like a king or queen. However, during that time "The Loser" has not forgotten how he or she basically feels about the opposite sex.
Waitresses, clerks, or other neutral individuals will be treated badly. If they are cheap - you'll never receive anything once the honeymoon is over.
If they whine, complain, criticize, and torment - that's how they'll treat you in six months. A mentally healthy person is consistent, they treat almost all people the same way all the time. If you find yourself dating a man who treats you like a queen and other females like dirt - hit the road.
The Reputation As mentioned, mentally healthy individuals are consistent in their personality and their behavior. If you ask ten people about a new restaurant - five say it's wonderful and five say it's a hog pit - you clearly understand that there's some risk involved in eating there.
They may tell you stories where other's have called them crazy or suggested that they receive professional help. Pay attention to the reputation. Reputation is the public perception of an individual's behavior. If the reputation has two sides, good and bad, your risk is high.
You will be dealing with the bad side once the honeymoon is over in the relationship. With severe behavior problems, "The Loser" will be found to have almost no friends, just acquaintances. Emotionally healthy and moral individuals will not tolerate friendships with losers that treat others so badly. If you find yourself disliking the friends of "The Loser", it's because they operate the same way he or she does and you can see it in them. You will quickly find yourself "walking on eggshells" in their presence - fearful to bring up topics, fearful to mention that you spoke to or saw a friend, and fearful to question or criticize the behavior of "The Loser".
Instead of experiencing the warmth and comfort of love, you will be constantly on edge, tense when talking to others they might say something that you'll have to explain later , and fearful that you'll see someone you'll have to greet in public.
Dates and times together will be more comfortable and less threatening when totally alone - exactly what "The Loser" wants - no interference with their control or dominance.
As the relationship continues and you begin to question what you are feeling or seeing in their behavior, you will be told that your feelings and opinions don't make sense, they're silly, and that you are emotionally disturbed to even think of such things. They Make You "Crazy" "The Loser" operates in such a damaging way that you find yourself doing "crazy" things in self-defense.
You become paranoid as well - being careful what you wear and say. Nonviolent males find themselves in physical fights with female losers. Nonviolent females find themselves yelling and screaming when they can no longer take the verbal abuse or intimidation.
In emotional and physical self-defense, we behave differently and oddly. While we think we are "going crazy" - it's important to remember that there is no such thing as "normal behavior" in a combat situation. Rest assured that your behavior will return to normal if you detach from "The Loser" before permanent psychological damage is done. There are more severe if not dangerous versions of "The Loser" that have been identified over the years.
If you are involved in a relationship with one of these versions, you may require professional and legal assistance to save yourself. Physical Abuser Physical abusers begin the relationship with physical moving - shoving, pushing, forcing, etc.
That quickly moves into verbal threats with physical gestures - the finger in the face, clinched fist in the face, and voiced physical threats such as "You make me want to break your face! Getting away from physical abusers often requires the assistance of family, law enforcement agencies, or local abuse agencies. Female losers often physically attack their partner, break car windows, or behave with such violence that the male partner is forced to physically protect himself from the assault.
If the female loser is bruised in the process of self-protection, as when physically restraining her from hitting, those bruises are then "displayed" to others as evidence of what a bad person the partner is and how abusive they have been in the relationship.
CL Grant has authored many relationship books, including "30 Day No Contact Rule," "The Reality of Being the Other Woman," and "Ex Addict. Image created with Canva. We have all been there at one time or another — fallen head-over-heels for someone, despite an abundance of red flags waving in our face. Dating a loser can result in months, if not years, of frustration, confusion, tears, and tantrums. It also can cause physical or emotional damage and can have a long-lasting effect on your future relationships.
A loser is usually very quick to tell you that he loves you. Often, within weeks of dating, he will be talking about your long-term future together. He may even discuss moving in, having kids, or possibly propose marriage. Believe it or not, I actually had a potential suitor tell me that he loved me on our very first date together!
Whilst this is all very flattering, you do really need to sit back and ask yourself if this behaviour is consistent with that of a normal, well-adjusted individual. Yes, of course, we have all heard of whirlwind romances, but these are the exception to the rule and not the norm. So why does a loser do this? Why waste your time making plans for the future if he has no intention of following them through?
In truth, whatever he says means very little to him. He lives in a fantasy world where nothing is real to him. A loser has extremely superficial emotions and is capable of falling in and out of love on a whim. Cuz you're hot and you're cold! Damianosullivan, CC BY-SA 3. He loves me, he loves me not. From calling and texting you daily, you may suddenly not hear from a loser for days or weeks on end. Just as you begin re-building your life, out of nowhere, he pops up.
He behaves as if nothing has happened and expects to pick up the relationship, exactly where you left off. This sends you into a tailspin and sets you off on a roller coaster of emotions. You may even reach a milestone in your life where you begin questioning your own sanity and wonder if you are going crazy. At this point, it is important to remember only one thing. It is his behaviour that is irrational and not yours. It is not always easy to realize, atlest admit to yourself, that you are dating a loser.
Your friends and family may spot the signs and try to alert you to their concerns. Nonetheless, you are oblivious to the issues they raise and dismiss their fears without so much as a second thought. The grave danger in doing this is that their views are usually far more objective than yours. When your nearest and dearest tell you that they do not like the person that you are dating, you really need to view this as a red flag.
Remember, they love you and want nothing more than to see you happy. However, they see how he treats you. They see the effect that it has on you. They see how dating this guy has changed you into a shadow of your former self. Try and see the situation from their perspective. Also, do not forget that these are the very people who will be there for you, picking up the pieces long after the loser has disappeared.
A loser has a tendency to say one thing but do the complete opposite. He also has a penchant for lying, albeit badly at times. Nonetheless, he will never admit that he was lying, even if he is caught red-handed. As time goes on, the loser will begin to cancel dates or possibly, not show up at all. He will make endless promises that he has no intention of keeping. He will say that he loves you but then treats you like something on the bottom of his shoe.
He may even become physically abusive. At this point, you need to walk away, regardless of any tearful apologies that he may make. Image is important to a loser and he will constantly be taking selfies and posting them on social media sites. A loser is self-obsessed and only cares about himself and his image. He is unable to walk past a mirror without checking himself out.
He also likes to talk about himself and rarely lets you speak unless you shower him with praise. He expresses very little interest in your life, family, friends, work, or your activities and interests. Your role is to make him feel good about himself and not to bore him with the minutia of your life.
A loser tends to be extremely active on social media, constantly posting images of himself. He will closely monitor the number of 'likes' and adoring comments from his followers. It is highly improbable that he will add any photographs of you. He does not want anyone to steal his thunder. A loser lacks empathy and does not stop for one moment to consider how his actions will affect you. His inability to accept criticism also means that he is never wrong. Consequently, any attempt by you to challenge his wrongdoings will simply result in feelings of anger or self-pity on his part.
As a result of this, you may even begin making excuses for his actions. A loser will openly criticise and embarrass you in public. He will do his very best to make you feel worthless so that he can feel superior to you. This makes you easier to control. As you begin to have feelings of self-doubt, you will eventually reach a point where you feel worthless. This is exactly where a loser wants you to be. He does not want you to succeed at anything, as that would make you better than him.
He is secretly setting you up to fail at everything you do. Don;t be fooled by a loser who showers you with lavish gifts. Eventually, it will be you who ends up paying for them. At the beginning of your relationship, a loser will usually insist on paying for everything. This is to lull you into a false sense of security, but do not be fooled. This is simply a ruse to deceive you into believing that he is financially secure.
More often than not, a loser is living on credit. He is unable to manage his money and often has significant debts. He also has a great sense of entitlement which means that he spends way beyond his means. Slowly but surely, he will begin to milk you for all you are worth. He may explain that he has 'cash flow' problems and begin by borrowing small amounts of money.
Initially, he may even repay these. A small token gesture that is intended solely to further increase your confidence in lending him larger amounts of money. A loser will view you as his personal ATM and even develop a sense of entitlement to your money,. Whatever you do, never, ever lend a loser any money and, most definitely, do not borrow money or co-sign a loan for him.
You really do not need financial hardship on top of heartbreak. It is not always easy to realise, lest admit to yourself, that you are dating a loser. If you are having problems getting over them, then you should consider implementing a period of no contact.
The most important thing to remember is that the problem is not with you. You may even discover that your partner has a history of this type of poor behaviour. It is also possible that he has a borderline personality disorder or, worse still, is a narcissist.
Ultimately, you will discover that the trouble with dating a loser is that they are not always that easy to get rid of. As soon as you start pulling away, in an attempt to end the relationship, they usually pursue you with renewed vigour. Whilst this may generate feelings in your head that you may have made a mistake, please remember that this is not necessarily a sign that you were wrong. Just ensure that you see the loser for the person he actually is, not the person you want him to be.
Question: All of a sudden, the guy I had been dating confessed that he had been seeing his ex behind my back. Why did he do that? Answer: It sounds as if he wanted a way out, or perhaps his ex had given him an ultimatum.
Either way, you're better off without him. Move on and find someone who is more deserving of your love. Question: So I started talking to a boy in school. We are coming to the end of the term. We seem very close. I told him that I liked him, and he blushed.
· 1. Rough Treatment "The Loser" will hurt you on purpose. If he or she hits you, twists your arm, pulls your hair, kicks you, shoves you, or breaks your personal property EVEN Everyone has a different personal experience, but I think on-line dating is a bit “loser-ish” to be honest. I suspect almost everyone on there has some sort of defect that stops them having · Do you ever feel that your relationship is getting damaged due to your partner? If you ever get this question in your mind, am I dating a loser, take this quiz to get the answer. Are You Dating a Loser Quiz. We can often make choices that land us in trouble. There are no good or bad choices. But if you have chosen to be someone, and it affects your mental · 8. He’s insecure and jealous. A loser is usually suspicious and jealous. He’s insecure because he has nothing to offer and he fears that you’ll find another man that is ... read more
Quiz What Is The Name Of Your Soulmate? Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC. Something like, "My dog is sick," is pretty reasonable. Take this dating quiz and find out what type of dating personality do you have! Dating Quiz: Is My Boyfriend Going to Break up With Me?What Is The Name Of Your Soulmate? Log In Sign In. For this group I have recently published "Love and Stockholm Syndrome: The Mystery of Loving an Abuser". But I think that many of us also feel pressured to accomplish things in life, in order to feel good enough, am i a loser for using online dating. In public, you will be "walking on eggshells" - always fearing you are doing or saying something that will later create a temper outburst or verbal argument. If they are cheap - you'll never receive anything once the honeymoon is over.